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I want to rearrange the furniture in my lounge room, but we had a mouse plague here a few months back and while I can’t smell anything resembling death or decay, I am still slightly concerned that I may find something lurking behind the couch and if I do find it then I will obviously have to get rid of it and I still can’t erase from my mind that time where I knelt down on the floor to fix my hair in the mirror that should be wall mounted but isn’t yet and when I dropped a bobby bin and glanced down to find it I noticed the corpse of a recently poisoned mouse that had tried to escape but had sadly passed on a few inches from my front door in a position that can only be described as the final throes of death. Paralysis, girly screaming and a frenzied hunt for a plastic shovel ensued, to be followed by frantic and repetitive handwashing and copious amounts of sherry.

It was all I had, alright?