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Imagine how much better your quality of life would be if you had never been subjected to the dross and swill of the following tracks. As soon as the first faint notes of these little gems even THINK about assaulting my eardrums I want to beat myself about the head with a blunt instrument, peel my fingernails off and then complete an accounting degree so I can live out the rest of my days working with numbers. I know. It’s pretty desperate.

Top 10 songs I wish I’d never heard

1. MacArthur Park – Donna Summer
2. Hit Me With Your Best Shot – Pat Benatar
3. Butterfly Kisses – Bob Carlisle
4. I Kissed A Girl – Katy Perry
5. Great Southern Land – Icehouse
6. Black Velvet – Alannah Miles
7. A Horse With No Name – America
8. Sex and Candy – Marcy Playground
9. The Only Thing That Looks Good On Me Is You – Bryan Adams
10. My Humps – Black Eyed Peas

Oh, and anything by Nickelback.

Top 10 ‘artists’ who should never have opened their mouths and inflicted their collective mediocrity upon an unsuspecting world

No explanation is needed, my friends.

1. Michael Bolton
2. Pat Benatar
3. Peter Andre
4. Avril Lavigne
5. Lindsay Lohan
6. Lee Kernaghan
7. Mariah Carey
8. Celine Dion
9. Jennifer Lopez
10. Justin Timberlake

I also wanted to do a Top 10 list of lyrics that make even my teeth cringe, but I got a little tired so I will refer you to this list, and add that one of the most laughable lyrics I’ve ever come across lurks below, just waiting to leap upon you and assault your senses.

I took my time to look around
In love and all the places I have been
I pushed and stumbled in,
But I was late,
Still God told me to wait
And if I throw a pile of magic beans
Lets hope that I don’t sneeze

What a wordsmith! Aussie 90’s never-been Merril Bainbridge gets credit for that one, from her smash hit (pffffft) ‘Lonely’. Believe it or not, it gets worse.

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie
Kiss the boys and make them cry
When the boys came out to play
Georgie Porgie ran away
Georgie Porgie ran away

If I’ve neglected to mention one of your most hated ‘songs’, ‘artists’ or ‘lyrics’ (please note, the apostrophes are there to indicate extreme derision and contempt), feel free to drop a comment below and we can have a festival bemoaning the many and varied ways certain humans have done their best to insult and maim their fellow citizens.

And finally, for your listening displeasure, behold the track below.

How Can We Be Lovers If We Can’t Be Friends – Michael Bolton

If any of you actually download this thing, I will find you. And it won’t be pretty.

Disclaimer: It All Started accepts no responsibility for any pain, suffering or personal injury sustained at the mere mention of such unquestionable ‘musical’ drivel.